The People Inside

Filed Under anecdotes, friends, from the heart, islam, questions, spiritual practice, uu culture, uuism

A charity is due for every joint in each person on everyday the sun comes up: to act justly between two people is a charity; to help a man with his mount, lifting him onto it or hoisting up his belongings onto it is a charity; a good word is a charity; and removing a harmful thing from the road is a charity. ~the Prophet Muhammad

To give a smile to your brother is a charity. ~the Prophet Muhammad

Philocrites’ recent comment about the Belief-O-Matic quiz and improving online UU resources prompted me to respond with my own BOM story. But this morning I thought of an addendum: Yes, I first learned about UUism through the Internet - most specifically Google and Beliefnet.org, and later I lurked on my local young adult mailing list for about six months; but when at last I felt comfortable enough to attend a real, life event, it was a real, live Soulful Sundown (something my church does very intermittently) that was my threshold into the UU community.

I was working weekends at the time, so attending morning Sunday service was a challenge. I remember entering the Salmon Street Sanctuary and everything seeming large and new; it might have been the first time I’d stepped foot into a Protestant church. Two people approached me in that night: Joseph Santos-Lyons (aka Radical Hapa), a life-long UU and UUA staff organizer, and a young woman named Jan, an employee of the church who’d become a UU after taking the job. Separately, they asked me who I was, and what brought me here.

Joseph took my name and contact info … then began using them. About a week or two later, he sent me an email inviting me to a barbecue at his house. I remember thinking, “I don’t even know this guy!” but I went anyway. Joseph kept inviting me to this and that. It was mostly people of color and UU-related stuff. I kept thinking he was maybe a little weird (I wasn’t used to any kind of attention), but was pretty responsive. I also ventured to attend a few more young adult events and would always search for Jan, my security blanket. She seemed happy to see me, and gradually I felt comfortable enough to stand on my own two feet and become a leader in the young adult group.

Today, three or four years later, I consider Jan one of my closest friends. We weren’t best chums right off the bat. She didn’t throw herself at me like a cheerleader. Jan is probably more of an introvert than I am, but over time we’ve developed a true friendship that I am grateful for every day. It was at one of Joseph’s popular barbecues that I was persuaded (by Laurel) to attend Opus (the annual continental young adult retreat), and later, Joseph asked me to be a volunteer for DRUUMM (the people of color affiliate of the UUA). These broadened my UU perspective to a national level and brought me into contact with more good work and people. I am friends with Joseph and his partner Aimee; and I love him for his persistence in reaching out to me and drawing me into his (gigantic) inner circle.

So often we talk about what the UUA can do for us, and how we can implement institutional pieces that will help us to retain people. I was definitely looking for something when I stumbled upon UUism, and that is part of the reason I didn’t wander in and then right out of that first Soulful Sundown. But another significant reason is that when I walked into that house of worship, there were two people inside who made me feel welcome - not just that night, but from then on out.

I am stretched between wanting to do for others what was done for me, and my own shyness. I want to get to know the new people at my church, especially the young adults and people of color. So I’ve been working on just doing it, on making the contact, on saying hello, on taking down the phone numbers, on calling people back. When I want my church to be more welcoming, who do I hold responsible for that but myself and my fellow congregants? It hurts me to know that many have come and gone without receiving that warm smile, or - more importantly - that follow-up invitation. Why should the church or the UUA have to pay or organize us to be welcoming? We are more than just an institution, a building, a grouping of bylaws and subcommittees. We are a family.

(photo: HSA and one of the amazing people inside, her best friend Elandria, at General Assembly Long Beach, 2004)

Comments

2 Responses to “The People Inside”

eMCee on December 2nd, 2005 3:03 pm

word.
sometimes, you just gotta do it.
we are, after all, responsible for ourselves.

but how do we push ourselves, as well as others, to Take On that responsibility?
LaReinaCobre on December 7th, 2005 11:19 pm

emcee,
I wish I had the potion for brave action, but all I can say is that what gets me most active in reaching out to others is not pushing myself, but forgetting myself: when I understand that talking to newbies is not about me at all, but about them, it’s a lot easier. It’s a lot easier to listen to someone else than to find things to say about oneself.

But I think it takes practice, and it means making time and being intentional about having that time. So instead of rushing around during Coffee Hour I have to be willing to spend 10 minutes with someone I’ve never met before. And be okay with that. In fact, I have to feel like that was the best way for me to have spent that time.

I’m still working on it!