I Renounced the Blessed Face

Filed Under books, from the heart, local, quotes, solitude, spiritual practice

I am currently reading Karen Armstrong’s memoir, The Spiral Staircase (see sidebar for link), and it is deeply moving me. Although this book is about her life after seven years in a Catholic convent, so many details about her transition into the secular world are familiar to me. So many things.

Like so many of Tennyson’s people, I too longed to join in the vibrant life that was going on all around me, but found myself compelled to withdraw by forces that I did not understand.

I remember clearly the awkwardness, the loneliness, the dreadful sensation of having nothing to do with the world, mental anguish … the disembodiment of one’s spirit.

Interestingly, I have had spiritual experiences in Catholic sacred spaces, and I do not know why. Armstrong writes that several years after leaving the convent, she had still never had a “consolation” - never heard God speak to her. Does it make sense to say that I don’t believe in “God” and yet believe some voice did speak to me more than once in those crumbling churches and empty sanctuaries? What was it that spoke to me?

Yesterday I visited one of my favorite places in Portland, The Grotto. I went with a friend who was visiting from out of town, but normally I go by myself. It is more than just a park. It is a place of devotion.

I’ve long felt the need for a new devotion. I miss that aspect of being religious; however, I must be careful. I don’t want to become some type of A-holic, possessed to endlessly consume and acquire more and more.

(photo by Elandria; statue at the Grotto. 2006)