An Invocation, and a Cretan

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One of my favorite “prayers” or invocations (in which I call on whatever strength there is in the universe - be it ancestral, internal, living, earthly) is from Nietzsche, printed in The Gay Science (one of my favorite books):

I want to learn more and more to see as beautiful what is necessary in
things:—then I shall be one of those who make things beautiful. Amor fati [Love of fate.]: let that be my love henceforth! I do not want to wage war
against what is ugly. I do not want to accuse, I do not even want to accuse
those who accuse. Looking away shall be my only negation! And all in all and on the whole: some day I wish to be only a Yes-sayer!

One of the things that draws me to this piece is that it often feels insufficient; it can be a challenge to believe it. When I see destructive lies and injustice, I want to wage war. “Looking away” does not seem to be a strong enough statement! And yet, what I believe in more than physical, verbal, emotional and academic wars is the demonstration of a better way. One of the many powers that oppressors hold is the ability to direct the energy flow of the afflicted. And so the oppressed spend most of their time responding instead of leading. This, more than anything, causes me to despair. But even a glimpse of what is possible can bring hope back.

Speaking of tragic optimism, I’ve become curious about this novelist, Nikos Kazantzakis. When I finish Etty Hillesum’s diaries and letters, I will read his work. An excerpt from the Spike Magazine article:

Although many people may have heard of the novels Zorba the Greek and The Last Temptation of Christ, both of which have been adapted into films, it appears that few are so familiar with the name of the author, Nikos Kazantzakis. Although a national hero in his beloved homeland of Crete, Kazantzakis has failed to achieve the recognition in England that he so richly deserves. Novelist, playwright and journalist; disciple of Nietzsche, Bergson and Buddha; admirer of Christ and Lenin; praised by Thomas Mann, Albert Schweitzer and Albert Camus, his works are the external expression of an inward cry that seeks answers to the most profound questions of existence.

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Jun

29

The Lord and the Church

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My favorite post on the discussion of the use of the word, God, is over at Reignite UK, written by Stephen Lingwood, a Christian UU about to study for the ministry. An excerpt:

Our worship needs to become centred on praise and prayer, rather than readings and sermons. You can say God as many times as you want in a sermon but I’m only going to experience God directly if you shut the hell up and give me some silence so that I can have some time with God.

Unrelated, but also on the subject of religion, I was telling a coworker yesterday that although there are numerous things about the Catholic faith that I feel connected to, I cannot bear to throw my hat into the Catholic ring. Theological differences aside, I could possibly even become a Catholic and strive to accept Jesus as my savior, but for the Church. There are just too many examples of things such as the condom ban that convey to me that the Pope and the Church are more concerned about preserving the institution (and the authority of the church) than preserving their own people. My heart could not abide by that. It already hurts me and I’m not even a member. When I think about how the Evangelicals supported Ríos Montt of Guatemala (because he was Evangelical), it makes me sick. Sometimes life appears to be one missed opportunity to practice justice after another.

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Jun

28

Some Post-GA Thoughts

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I got a lot out of my GA experience this year. I was able to meet many people, deepen relationships, learn much about myself and this movement, and experience a wide range of emotions. One of my standing goals for self-development has been to allow myself to feel more in my heart - to feel sadness and happiness, anger and grief, and other things that seem to come so naturally to other people. Over the last ten months I’ve been making great strides in this area. I cried at least three times during GA and I laughed much, and I let myself feel frustrated with some people who were getting on my nerves. It felt good. It felt good to let the tears out, to vent a few times, to just be with people who were feeling strong emotions. I’ve definitely been able to explore my emotional life within the UU community, and for this I am grateful.

I practiced a lot of self care - I never let myself get too exhausted (except for the night I was up till 7:30 am, which could not be helped). I always made time - 30 minutes to an hour - every day to be by myself. I usually took lunch alone and ate it in silence, with no music or books to keep me occupied. It was just a time to reflect and even have no reflection - no nothing. Just silence and unencroached space. This all resulted in me staying healthy, mostly rested, able to engage with people - even strangers! and really enjoying myself pretty much every step of the way.

Some not-so-good things happened with several friendships, and I’m not sure what the next phases will be. On the other hand, I was able to express my (platonic) affection with others more openly than I ever have in my life. I spent more time with some powerful women in our faith community - women who are powerful not by virtue of how well known they are, but by their faith and perserverance and the way they embrace others. I saw so many potential mentors; I did cry to think about it, but they were happy tears.

I got to meet many of the bloggers I read: Philocrites, Peacebang, ChaliceChick, her Linguist Friend, Errant Frogs, Progressive Church Planter, Lo-Fi Tribe and others. I spent some one-on-one time with Reverend Clyde, who was very kind to me.

I faced off with a very rude and dominating man and was not intimidated by him; I wanted to talk to him more and understand what he was saying, but he ended our conversation by shouting that one day I would understand. Not helpful, but it was his choice to end this way. I spoke at plenary, which I’d forgotten I was going to do. At first I was afraid when I saw the Jumbo-tron screens and thousands of people, but just as I approached the microphone I thought, “I am not that important; I will try to convey what it is in my heart -in less than 60 seconds - and nothing else really matters.” I felt the same way during the Special Review Commission workshop. I didn’t get to say some of the most serious things in my heart (it always takes me a while to warm up when speaking), but I don’t think I embarrassed myself.

On the way to the conference I read several articles in the latest issue of Shambhala Sun, a Buddhist publication, and was reminded that being self-conscious is not the way to be at all. In fact, it hinders me from being. It hinders me from becoming.

I had my awkward moments, as usual, but I cared less and less about them. Life moves so quickly. I went to the Hokiah Mounds interpretative center with several other people of color on Sunday and it was such a good thing to do. A good thing to get away from the terribly cold air conditioning, the convention center, the hotel, the nametags, the loudspeakers and the microphones, and to be outside and try to imagine another time and way of life. It was good to know that a different people had been there. It made me feel like I was less important. Not that the work I can do is unimportant, but that I mattered less. As Miguel de Unamuno wrote in a poem, “The only thing that lasts is the work/Start then, turn to the work.”

These words of my mother came to my mind repeatedly, too; she told me this once when I was agonized by self-consciousness: “Hafidha: No one else is thinking about you as much as you are thinking about you.” How liberating it has been to believe and accept and be grateful for this!

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Jun

26

UUGA06: The UU cadence

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Hearing so many speakers this General Assembly it occurred to me that there might be a standard UU way of addressing a large group. Whether the person is reciting a poem, delivering a sermon, or making a benediction, there is a popular cadence among those at the mic and in church leadership. It is pleasant enough, but boring, too. Even the young adult seminarians/ministers adopt this manner of speaking.

Does anyone know what I am talking about? Where did it come from?

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Jun

22

UUGA06: Day 1 Summary

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As Day #2 of General Assembly draws to a close I thought I’d summarize what I did yesterday.

Wednesday
9 am - DRUUMM booth set-up
9:30 - Youth Caucus staff meeting
12 pm - Meeting with GA Chaplains
1:30 - Youth Caucus Chaplains meeting
2:30 - Youth Caucus Orientation prep
3-5 - Youth Caucus Orientation and Sponsor Orientation
5-6 - Prayer and rest
6-7:30 - Commit 2 Community adult supporter meeting
7:30 - 8 - Youth Caucus Chaplains meeting #2
8-10 - Opening Ceremony
10:30-11:15 - Bloggers’ Reception
11:15-midnight - some sort of intergenerational dance

The day went pretty smoothly. The biggest challenge so far has been clashes between roommates. They are all my friends and I am getting along with each of them, but it’s not easy, I guess, for four grown and independent women to share a common space.

I only spent $7 on food yesterday. =) The bloggers I met during the reception were all very like their online personas. The conversation was very interesting, though a few folks didn’t say anything the whole time I was there.

Today has been busy but not overwhelming. I had the nervewracking experience of addressing plenary with the other four members of the special review commission. I didn’t say anything particularly powerful, but I didn’t embarrass the commission, either. There will be a workshop about the report we issued; we’ll meet in Room 264 on Saturday, from 11-12:15.

Spent $20 on food today.

Tonight I want to do some reading in my room, but one of my roommates is sleeping there with the Do Not Disturb sign on the door. I am getting to be a little tired and I could really use a nap before it gets too late.

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