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    Can’t Speak

    Filed Under from the heart, uu culture 

    A professor of mine once related in class a definition of sublime: That (experience) which cannot be articulated.

    Sometimes I become melancholy when I sense the weight of things we cannot say to each other. Words can’t express it. Everywhere I go it seems people are trying to explain, trying to explain themselves to each other. Sometimes I strive to be known, but that’s not what I really want. I really want you to hold me up - to have you accept that on any given day I am grappling with this or that crucial thing. I suppose you need that from me, too.

    One of the things on my mind the last few days is words, and how much we fall in love with them. I got a little restless about some UU sermons, speeches, summaries and responses during and about General Assembly because they felt so predictable. I’ve not been a UU for long and yet already I found myself falling right in, repeating some of the same, pleasant buzzwords and phrases. These highly literate, carefully selected words were not dispensed insincerely by any means, they were just … a kind of community wallpaper. I did experience brief flashes of boredom.

    Well, I didn’t become a UU to be bored.

    So I need to feel my way around a bit. Figure out why I’m appreciative but restless. Revolt for a while against pretty words and pretty writing and the whole pretty-nice aesthetic. The community isn’t the only body that needs to take more chances.

    ******
    Yesterday, the DH was geeking out about some video game compression technique, and it dawned on me that his speech and mannerisms were changing right before my eyes. I have never seen him when he is fully geeked out, but he was reaching for that place. There was a moment of terror within me - I didn’t want him to be SO “out there.” I wanted him to stay right with me on the inner rim of social normality. I wanted to bolt him down. The feeling passed. Today I thought on it some more. He needs to be able to unveil and construct himself without fear of what I would think. I can’t be worried when he downloads Pat Buchanan speeches and says, “I actually agreed with him on a lot of things ….” No, I have to be curious and engaged; to find out what I had not guessed at before. It has to be okay with me that those to whom I have attached myself are still free.

    It’s so easy to fall into patterns. They are useful abbreviations when we don’t have the time, energy or ability to explain ourselves, but they are not the way of living.

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    3 Responses to “Can’t Speak”

    1. Rev. Sean on July 13th, 2006 8:06 pm

      Thanks for this. Both for the reality check around our UU jargon and its facility for lulling us toward boredome rather than action.

      But thanks more for the reminder to stay curious about the ones we love and not shut them down into boxes that please us.

      I needed to hear that today.

    2. Bill Baar on July 14th, 2006 10:12 am

      My experience with UU blogs has shown me I’ve joined a good Church; but the denomination leaves a lot to be desired…

      …it’s not a terribly reflective lot at the public leve; and that you found much cant in the GA not a surprize.

    3. Wally Nut on July 19th, 2006 11:58 am

      I too have been thinking about words and their limitations, and have been practicing breathing with people and talking to them in my mind. Sometimes when I see a beautiful woman I want to tell her that she is beautiful but as a man that would only be seen as a come on. I also know that it would probably be intrusive to her to really look at her, so I glance at her and tell her via telepathy, “You sure did a good job choosing that body. Your beauty is a joy to glance.”

      Oh, and thanks for asking about me earlier. I have started to write just a little again. It is very different than it used to be for me to blog.

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