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    27

    The Angel of Death

    Filed Under humor, islam | 5 Comments

    Growing up I read many old, Islamic tales of dubious origin about the Angel of Death, who, long ago, used to come upon people in a familiar-like manner. Nowadays of course, when the Angel of Death comes, you don’t even see him. You’re minding your own business jaywalking cross the street when out of nowhere a Coca Cola delivery truck mows you down. But back in the days of yore, when God glanced at his Giant Dayplanner and recalled that this was your last day on earth, he’d send the Angel of Death, named Izra’il, to you. Izra’il, a mighty creation made of pure light, and therefore too tremendous for our human minds to comprehend, would approach you in the form of a man. And he would say to you, “Your time is up,” and then remove your soul from your body. No sneaking up on a person and taking them by surprise.

    Naturally, many people would resist, debate or argue with the Angel of Death as soon as they saw him. “Give me time to settle my accounts/make arrangements for my family” was a common refrain, at least among men. There is that famous story of the wealthy man who bumped into the Angel of Death in the marketplace, and begged a short stay of Izra’il’s purpose on the pretence of readying his estate, but instead bought a flying carpet and made himself off to Damascus (or some such place). Upon arriving there he was quivering with relief and quite pleased at his quick thinking. Meanwhile, Izra’il mentions to a dinner companion that he’d been startled to see the rich man in the marketplace that afternoon, as he had orders to take his soul in Damascus the next morning. The moral, of course, is: Don’t bother trying to reschedule your appointed time; God does not use a pencil.

    As you’re probably well aware, many years ago Izra’il pretty much stopped making his presence known at the time of soul-taking. I don’t know the official story, but my dad used to say it was because the Angel of Death went to God with a complaint about all the harassment he got from people who didn’t want to die. While he was accustomed to dealing with aggravated individuals, the last straw apparently came when he got punched in the face by Moses. God agreed that enough was enough, and rescinded the courtesy of Izra’il making himself known to healthy bodies.

    If the Angel of Death came to me tonight, I’d be acutely dissatisfied with my life’s accomplishments. More than that, I’d be embarrassed for all my unrecycled mail piled up in the Den, not to mention the layer of dust up top my kitchen cabinets. I’d need a lot longer than a day to get my affairs in order.

    Popularity: 9% [?]

    Aug

    27

    Does the World Grow Larger or Smaller?

    Filed Under questions | 2 Comments

    The question on my mind today is this: can I expect my personal world to grow larger or smaller? Of course, when we’re small children those things that occupy our thoughts are limited in scope. The first I recall having any significant thoughts about people who were neither characters in media/books nor folks I had some interactions with, I was eight years old and in the third grade. As I aged, naturally my thoughts progressed further to imagine, examine, inquire into, and feel empathy towards many sorts of things beyond the tiny radius of my even tinier existence.

    Over the years I’ve heard the occasional adult - much older than me in every case - remark that they purposefully restricted both their number of friends and their sources of information. To them it seemed that being young meant exploring options and going out into the world, and getting older meant having made most of one’s choices and coming home to live with them.

    What I’m wondering today is whether this will happen to me? Is it inevitable that I stop seeking and searching after a point, or is that, too, a choice?

    What does this mean for my life? Will I stop the effort of trying to make new friends just for the sake of having them, or on the hope that they’ll bring something new and necessary to my existence? Is this why, for example, the young adult group doesn’t interest me so much anymore - I have made my friends, and established my life (to some degree), and it just takes so much energy to always be meeting new people, and adjusting myself to them, and trying to make them feel good about themselves? Is this why the blogosphere, with its 100 million voices and ten times as many conversations, doesn’t entice me so much as sitting with my eyes closed in my bedroom, with the shades half drawn on a hot day, listening to the chipmunks counsel each other in my yard?

    Something is happening to me. Things that used to interest me don’t. I want less of so many things and more of just a few others, and it doesn’t matter too much to me what anyone thinks. Not too much.

    Popularity: 7% [?]

    Aug

    17

    A Secret Reservoir of Courage

    Filed Under books, from the heart, quotes | 2 Comments


    This seems to be the season for birthday parties, weekend day-trips and walking the long way home. I’ve been having a hard time keeping up with all the discussions going on lately, but I’m enjoying what I can. Finished reading The Things They Carried, and I would recommend this to anyone. Still reading Etty Hillesum’s journals; reading her words is like looking into a mirror sometimes. I want to know where she goes, spiritually.

    These days I’m living less in my head. My feelings about this are mixed. Once in a while I’m not sure I even recognize this irreverent, uncomplicated person.

    Health means so much. I’ve been to a lot of doctors recently and have more to see in the coming months. Almost daily I ask myself, how can people live without health insurance? And why does the medical system seem like a scam?

    People are talking about summer like it’s ending, but for me it can’t be yet. It’s only mid-August; summer doesn’t end here till end of September, weather-wise. Still so much to do: outdoor concerts, the corn maze, picking peaches, clearing the yard, a visit to Mt. Hood’s Trillium Lake, that yet undone Spring (?) Cleaning …. And in September I have my big 3-0 birthday party, a weekend in Las Vegas, and a trip to North Carolina. There’s barely enough time for everything.

    Recent, real life conversations have revolved around: the death penalty, the legal system, the devastating book Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee, ending friendships, getting second opinions, real estate, being fearless, Stan Lee’s reality show, illogical op-ed pieces. The DH is urging me toward artistic pursuits, and I am tentative. There are still no words, but I’m beginning to wonder if that isn’t the best time to be creative - when there are no words.

    Every day I’ve thought about the-God-I-don’t-believe-in, trying to understand what my feelings are about him, and why I talk about him like he’s real. After many weeks or months of considering this, an image quite suddenly came to mind tonight: a profile of myself facing an opaque gap of nothing, talking to an empty space. Maybe there could be an echo, but mostly it is silence. Mine is the only voice. In this image, I see myself raise a hand toward this shapelessness, although I expect nothing. Nothing happens. After several long moments, I bring the hand back. But I don’t feel alone, bereft or afraid. Sometimes I’m even looking away, still talking to it. There is nothing there.

    At this moment, that is all I have to say about God. And - seemingly unrelated - my favorite passage from On the Rainy River, a chapter of Tim O’Brien’s The Things They Carried.

    All of us, I suppose, like to believe that in a moral emergency we will behave like the heroes of our youth, bravely and forthrightly, without thought of personal loss or discredit …. If the stakes ever became high enough - if the evil were evil enough, if the good were good enough - I would simply tap a secret reservoir of courage that had been accumulating inside me over the years. Courage, I seemed to think, comes to us in finite quantities, like an inheritance, and by being frugal and stashing it away and letting it earn interest, we steadily increase our moral capital in preparation for that day when the account must be drawn down. It was a comforting theory. It dispensed with all those bothersome little acts of daily courage; it offered hope and grace to the repetitive coward; it justified the past while amortizing the future.

    (photo by HSA: from May 2006, Elk Reserve near Reedsport on the Oregon Coast.)

    Popularity: 15% [?]

    Aug

    8

    Looking for Love?

    Filed Under humor, love | 13 Comments

    Reading Peacebang’s dating-related post on Men Not Marrying prompted me to reflect on how I ended up with my sweetheart.

    After 29 years, I finally found someone and I know for a fact that I’d never have chosen him for myself had I met him through my typical dating channels. Let me count the many ways he would have failed the Hafidha Compatability Test.

    Age
    First of all, he is younger than I am - not by one or two years, but by four (okay, sometimes five) years! Everyone knows men don’t mature as quickly as women do! When you’re in your 30s or 40s, five years is nothing, but when you’re in your 20s? Come on! That’s just asking for trouble. Men in their 20s are too busy getting drunk with their buddies to be interested in a committed relationship. Right? (Note: eHarmony would never have matched us up because of our age difference.)

    Totally Not Chic Location
    Problem Number Two: He lives in a suburb that is 35 minutes away from my house by car, and I don’t own a vehicle. Logistically, how could I date someone like that? During my online personal ad searches, I immediately nixed any guy living in his neck of the woods, for a) not having the urban sensibility to live in Portland proper, b) residing in a town that has a gun store and feed store within 1/4 mile of it’s “Welcome to” sign, and c) blissfully residing in a cardboard cut-out house in a neighborhood that has no public transportation! Of course, I had no way of knowing that my sweetie would enthusiastically drive to my house three and four nights a week to take me out. It was only six months later, after I happened to declare, “I love driving!” that he sheepishly confessed, “I really don’t.”

    Uneducated
    Oh yes. And he’s never been to college. In fact, he never even graduated high school. (Note: I didn’t graduate high school, either, but have been to college.) While I made an exception for myself and other home/unschooled people who I knew to be intelligent, everyone else had to be formally educated because that’s how you measure brains and success in the world.

    And if I don’t sound like a total brat just yet, let’s move on to the multitude of more personal prejudices:

    While he is actually of Asian and Mexican descent, from the looks of him, most people would assume he is “just” East Asian. I had an internalized racist belief that East Asian men simply weren’t interested in dating black/latina girls. I had bought into lots of stereotypes about Asians being prejudiced against black folks, and decided to protect myself by being wary of dating them. By the way, I should mention that I call this a prejudice in large part because it defied evidence to the contrary. Fact A: I was engaged to an Asian man 10 years ago. Fact B: Prior to him, another Asian man asked me to marry him. Most Pathetic Fact C: in online personal ads, I would often get responses from Asian men, but I’d ignore them because they were too “nerdy.”

    Additional stupid reasons I would have rejected the man I now love:

    1) He is a computer programmer. That, and being half-Asian, immediately made him “too boring, geeky and square” for creative and imaginative, romantic and fabulous ME.
    2) His favorite musicians: Tori Amos, Tool, Rage Against the Machine, Nine Inch Nails, Fiona Apple? I would have summed up all of this as “screaming music.” (Note: Tori Amos really is good.)
    3) His favorite movies are way too low brow and ridiculous for my art-house film sensibilities. He likes science fiction, anime and bad horror movies. I subscribed to Film Comment and American Cinematographer for years, and still read Film-Philosophy. He actually wanted to see Nacho Libre. He cannot wait for Snakes on a Plane. I could wait. I could wait forever.
    4) His diet is terrible. I think it’s important to eat healthy foods, buy organic, not cook with sugar, and make food from whole ingredients. When I asked him how he got to be so tall despite having short(er) parents, his response was, “Bovine Growth Hormones” from the fast food patties he’s devoured all his life. Note to all: I will never eat anything called a “patty.” This is worse than fruit “drink” and cheese “product.”
    5) I am interested in anti-racism and social justice. He’s interested in intellectual property laws, and racial humor!

    I would have read into any and all of these things as the death knell for Any Possible Hope of a Life Together. Being the deep and thoughtful person that I was, I knew these things were important. In fact, I was so deep, I could read hearts and predict the future.

    Like every other single woman, I’d heard the same, tired cliches: “It’ll happen when you’re not looking.” “When you least expect it.” “You’re just not ready yet; the universe will let you know,” (that is the worst). These are annoying-to-hear-even-if-they-are-true. But you know, the reason I would never have found him had I been looking was because I was never looking for him. If I had come across his personal ad - or seen him on the street - there is little chance I’d have given him more than a moment’s notice. Why was I so picky? I’m not sure. It’s easier to be picky than to fail?

    Fortunately, it was my mother who set us up, and she happened to do so during a week in which I had absolutely zero pride. Self-respect, yes (always), but I had recently been humbled by unrequited adoration. When I went out with the DH for the first time, I had no expectations. I’d often tried to not have expectations, but this was one of the few times it actually happened.

    Despite our differences, it’s hard for me to imagine anyone could love me more or as well as my DH does. We talk with each other about the things we care about (though I do sometimes zone out when he’s talking database theory). We learn from and encourage each other. What happens with us remains to be seen, but what holds us together has a lot less to do with appearance, income, education, race, age, occupation, hobbies, and location than I expected. These are the things we may use to identify ourselves, but I believe they cannot be the basis for identifying who will love you or who you will love. For us, the things we have in common are things that are - to use a role-playing term - “Soulbound.” A passion for analysis, a history of unconventional schooling, a love of books, a tempered admiration for academia, excitement for ideas that are outside the box, a generous attitude about money, socialistic tendencies, appreciation of the arts, a deep need to laugh and communicate, a loving and supportive family life, and very few “scars” from past romantic experiences. And so many other things. Most importantly, at this moment, his way of being and my way of being happen to be congruous - that mysterious chemistry!

    Had I known last year what I know now, I’d have put all of that in a personal ad, but I doubt it would have made any difference. I’d have deleted his email or tossed his phone number as soon as dude told me that he ate Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, or was a fan of the Muppets, or sent me a goofy photo of himself (Me: “Stop squinting!” Him: “I’m not squinting; I’m Asian!”). Oh yes; because I knew exactly what I was looking for.

    He jokes that our pairing is “proof of intelligent design.” Well, I don’t know, but it certainly wasn’t my idea.

    (Note: This post was approved by the doughnut husband.)

    Popularity: 11% [?]

    Aug

    6

    Claiming Beliefs

    Filed Under politics, rants | 1 Comment

    One of the reasons I left Islam was because there were important beliefs within it to which I could not say, “I hold this to be true.”

    It’s my opinion that I need to be this way about all things. Now, I try not to get into partisan politics, because I think it’s generally just a way to divide people with common interests (kind of like racism), but I just read the Oregon Republican Party platform, and, while there are some items that I would say are reasonable and that I agree with, there are a lot of parts that strike me as illogical, appealing to a particular “special interest” group, and self-contradicting. I read the Texas Republican Party platform recently, and it’s quite similar.

    The Oregon Republican Party came into news recently because last month it passed a resolution (without debate) that would deny citizenship to US-born children of legal and illegal immigrants who were not citizens.

    Is this what Republicans believe? Do they hold these points to be true? Or is this just something on paper that people kind of believe, maybe (kind of like the idea of that everyone will go to Hell except those who accept their God) but wouldn’t really want to claim in public?

    A few highlights that gave me cause for concern.

    First of all … from the section on Crime and Punishment -

    Oregon has a rich heritage crafted by our pioneer founders to include progress, liberty, and freedom under God.
    [Whose Oregon are they talking about? Surely, this is not the same Oregon that had dozens of racial exclusion laws, such as the one that promised 600 acres to every married man and woman who came to homestead - unless they were black. What offends me about things like this is that they are dismissive, exclusionary, and false.]

    From The Preamble
    We honor such, as well as believe in equal justice, rights, and opportunity for ALL.
    [See all notes about "homosexuals" below.)

    We believe that free enterprise and individual initiative have brought this nation the opportunity, economic growth and prosperity that we currently enjoy.
    [Again ... not representative of reality ... dismissive, exclusionary, and false.]

    Family Protection
    We recognize that there is a severe attack upon the traditional family unit. Therefore we wish to define what we are referring to when we say “family”. A family is brought into existence when one man and one woman join in matrimony and includes children (if any) brought into that family. We also recognize the difficulties faced by single parent families. We support and encourage these individuals.

    We do not consider so-called “same sex marriage” to be “marriage” nor so-called “civil unions” to have any equivalency nor right to legal standing. Nor do we believe so-called “same sex marriage” or so-called “civil unions” worthy of legal standing for adoption or parenting purposes.

    We believe government intervention in matters regarding the family should be kept to an absolute minimum. However, we recognize circumstances under which the government must intervene to protect the physical or mental well-being of individuals.

    Individual Rights
    1.1. We believe all authority flows from The Creator to the parent and family. Parents have the inalienable right as well as the responsibility to form the character of their children, including but not limited to, correction, religious instruction and expression, general values and education. We believe it is the role of the parent and family to direct topics of education in sexual matters, sex related diseases, birth control, ethics and moral values. Governmental or public agencies shall obtain parental permission before discussing sex-related subjects with minor age children.

    1.13. We believe that it is an inalienable God-given right of a child to have a loving, permanent family of his or her own. We support adoption as a loving solution to unwanted pregnancies and encourage streamlining of the adoption process.

    [But wait!]

    1.19. We oppose the Children and Families Division practice of adoption and foster parenting by homosexuals as a moral transgression against the child.

    1.30. Tax dollars are a precious resource of government. We oppose the use of revenues to fund programs which promote homosexuality. We believe all forms of homosexuality and the so-called homosexual agenda are morally wrong and damaging to society in the long term. We believe that the practice of homosexuality is a matter of personal choice; and efforts to teach, promote or present homosexuality in public schools are inappropriate. Laws which grant minority status, create special consideration or protection based upon a behavior are equally inappropriate and thus opposed.

    1.31. Laws promoting, condoning or establishing legal status for same-sex marriages or establishing benefits normally attributed to heterosexual marriages shall be opposed. We support the exclusion of homosexuals from the military service in order to maintain an effective fighting force and preserving the morale and dignity of the Armed Forces.

    [How ironic that all of these are listed under "Individual Rights."]

    Education
    Republican Assumptions For the Rebuilding of a Sound Educational System

    Authority: All authority flows from our Creator and is delegated to parents who may in turn delegate, at their discretion, education to a professional educator.

    Economic: Education is a matter of choice, the more diversified the choice, the greater the chance for a thriving competitive marketplace of ideas ensuring excellence in education.

    Morals: Inculcation of United States of America cultural values including natural law and Judeo-Christian values must be basic to curriculum, legislation and institutional policy.

    2.5.c. Science shall include scientific creationism.

    2.5.d. U.S. History shall include a thorough mandatory study of the U.S. Constitution, and the inclusion of our religious heritage. Emphasis should be placed on teaching from original historical documents and quotes of historical figures not just editorialized commentaries about those events or figures.

    2.9. Mindful of our country’s rich Judeo-Christian heritage, we believe that this heritage, this culture, should be given its just and rightful place in our public educational establishments. 76% of all Americans are of Christian persuasion and should have, at least, equal representation.

    2.12. We support the abolition of the United States Department of Education and the Oregon Department of Education. Education is best administered at the local level.

    2.18.c. The government should permit public schools to be independent of school districts

    2.24. The Ten Commandments are recognized as accepted by the people of Judeo-Christian faith as well as many other faiths. They are as much a part of our moral values and civil law as they are part of any specific church or religious doctrine. Therefore the Republican Party believes the Ten Commandments should be on display along with other great documents of our society wherever appropriate in schools, courtrooms, and public places. We support the public display of the Declaration of Independence, Constitution, Bill of Rights and the Pledge of Allegiance in our public schools.

    Health Care
    [3.14. Republicans oppose:]

    3.16. Barry Goldwater, explaining his vote against “Medicare” (Senate, 1960): “We have learned that socialism can be sneaked over, against the wishes of the majority, through the simple device of expropriation by taxation and the creation of an all-embracing welfare program which effectively robs the individual of all control over his more basic and fundamental human freedoms and the right to regulate his own personal affairs as he may see fit.”

    3.20. We support a “cap” on medical malpractice claims to help reduce the cost of medical care in Oregon.

    3.21. We reaffirm our conviction that life begins at conception and ends at death, that any deliberate taking of an innocent human life between these two events amounts to killing. The Oregon Republican party reaffirms and applauds President Ronald Wilson Reagan’s Personhood Proclamation of January 14, 1988 in which he declares: “the inalienable personhood of every American from the moment of conception until death.” We further urge the Congress of the United States to use the powers granted to them by the United States Constitution to enforce this proclamation.
    [I do not like abortion, but what evidence do they have that "life" begins at conception? The same evidence of "scientific" creationism?]

    4.33. We strongly support actions based on environmental science. We oppose political environmentalism which only serves to reduce the rights and privileges of people and expands the role of government.

    4.35. The Endangered Species Act should not be used to prevent beneficial use of our waters.
    [Could this be more vague?]

    4.43. Minimum building density should not be mandated by governmental agencies.
    [Who should it be mandated by? No one?]

    And there is more … but I do not have the space here to go into all of it.

    You see, I don’t mind that these things are in here. It’s good to know what Republicans in Oregon actually believe. My question is, to each and every Republican in Oregon, are these the things that you actually believe? The resolution passed last month is drawing negative attention to the Republican Gubernatorial candidate, Ron Saxton, and he is distancing himself from the resolution. But it seems that it’s only because he needs the Russian and Hispanic vote. Even ultra-conservative Kevin Mannix is saying it’s dumb - not because it’s unconstitutional - but because it makes the Republicans look bad to moderates, and it’s not a smart political move to pass resolutions “against babies.”

    Popularity: 8% [?]

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