Not Such a Mixed Bag

Filed Under life changes, small happinesses

My job is a big source of stress for me recently. I’ve been severely disillusioned and disheartened by the actions of people I used to respect. Some days I am literally sick from being there.

I’m starting the process of moving in with my sweetheart. It will be a serious transition - especially as there will be four of us living in his house. But I’m looking forward to paring down to the essentials and having less material “noise.”

Have started video classes at the community media center. Good stuff. Field lighting class was awesome. Later this month I begin my studio producer certification project.

I love, love, love my women’s group. I’m the youngest and the only woman of color, and it is fabulous. I learn so much from these women; it’s a real source of support for me. Most of them are/were married and have children (some of them my age). A few of them are even more liberal than I am! I love my girlfriends who are my peers, and I also love spending time with women who, on the outset, I would appear to have little in common with.

I started a health program a few days ago. I am halfway through day 4, and it is going all right. I have to eat six times a day, and consume a lot of these 100-calorie specially formulated meals. It’s not bad. This is a healthy way to lose fat (not muscle), and since the meals are so easy to prepare, I don’t have to spend so much time or energy wondering what I’m going to cook next and when. I’m really busy right now.

The week after Thanksgiving I’m going to Finland for a week. I need to buy some longjohns and some really warm shoes! I’ve never been to that part of Europe - I know it will be freezing, but I’m just hoping it’s dry. This month Portland has had 590% more rain than last year!

I have many ideas for writing projects; it’s very exciting. The upside of all the stress and pain at work is that it’s spurred my creativity. I also settled on a topic for the sermon I’m to deliver in January.

Some recent conversations with the DH have helped me clarify what it is that is special about UUism, and in what direction I need to develop my religious values.

All in all, work-related anxieties aside, life is mercifully kind to me. I have so much to be grateful for: loving friends, a supportive and affectionate family, an inspiring and openhearted sweetheart, a debt-free existence, relatively good health, and a bright future. The last few weeks I’ve been in perilously low moods, but I have faith that what saves me - every day - is gratitude.

Comments

5 Responses to “Not Such a Mixed Bag”

Matt on November 13th, 2006 3:32 pm

I can totally relate to you feeling disillusioned with your job. I also have days like that - when I sit there and think “This is unbearable.” Other days I walk on air mainly because the same colleagues who can frustrate and annoy me, lift my spirits in some small way. I think this reflects that as people we have many different sides and depending on how our sides click, depends what day we have.

Most days I think “I am going to cope with (and try to enjoy) this until something better comes along” - today, I was spat in the face by a ’service user’ and it was this thought that got me through!

I often remember this ska song which sings in a joyful chorus “Don’t let the b**stards grind you down, don’t let them grind you down!” - a punk was once playing it behind me on a bus and it has stuck in my head ever since!

I guess my point is, we have to reflect on things - deeply and with a pinch of salt - and then decide to get on with it until we can make change (if we need to).

*am not trying to lecture, just give my opinion!
LaReinaCobre on November 15th, 2006 11:33 pm

Thanks, Matt, for commiserating with me.
Philocrites on November 16th, 2006 6:51 am

Finland! How exciting! I spent almost two weeks there this summer. Let me know if I can recommend anything while you’re there. (Some Finland photos.)
LaReinaCobre on November 20th, 2006 4:52 pm

What lovely photos, Philo! Thanks for sharing them. I have no real idea of what is in Helsinki or what to do there. I don’t know where I’ll be staying (it’s supposed to be in Helsinki proper), but hopefully I’ll be able to access the town fairly easily.

I don’t know a WORD of Finnish - is English spoken there much at all?

I also have to get appropriate clothing very soon!
Philocrites on November 22nd, 2006 6:33 am

Almost everyone in Helsinki speaks English. I only learned a handful of phrases — mostly to amuse the Finns! There are some wonderful museums downtown. I highly recommend a place called the Design Forum, which is more of a showcase for product design with a really cool store attached; we liked it even better than the Design Museum.

Helsinki has lots of trains, trolleys, and buses. Using their fare cards was a bit tricky, I thought, but you really can get around pretty easily, even from out in the suburbs. (Every train arrives at the same central train station.) The hardest part was trying to make sense of the maps because Finnish words look so foreign that it’s hard to recognize street names from other sorts of names. (At the end of two weeks, I started to go, “Oh, that means Street!,” but I’m a slow learner.)

The architecture delighted me. I don’t know how the weather will be, but hopefully you’ll be able to spend some daylight hours seeing some of sights. One of the trollies makes a loop down around the harbor and through some of the tonier neighborhoods, and you could see quite a bit of distinctive architecture without having to walk around a lot.

One other thing: eat pastries. The Finns have some great desserts. Be sure to have a “voi pulla.”

Have a great time!