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    The Better Half

    Filed Under friends, from the heart, plans, small happinesses, solitude 

    Personally, I’m pleased with the transition to autumn, but I’m concerned for several of my friends and relations, who find the shorter, overcast days and drizzle hard to bear. This Fall I need to step up my game as a friend who extends herself. Normally the wintry months depress me, too, but this year feels very different.

    I’m looking forward to being home this season, reading, cooking, sitting by the (gas) fire, sorting out the unnecessary aspects of my life, framing photos, decorating for the holidays - in a word, homemaking. And there’s also the new activities: climbing the rock wall at the gym - which scared me so much at first!, stepping to Dance Dance Revolution (now for the Wii), and writing in groups. Right now is a comfortable time. And for the first time in many years, I feel no anxiety about any of this because, even though I’ll be doing most of it on my own (with the exception of DDR), I know the LH will be around, going through his motions while I go through mine.

    Not very long ago, when I was single, and would cry myself to sleep at night because it seemed there was simply no one for me - I promised myself that if by some miracle my fortune should change, I’d never forget what that felt like.

    Looking back, I’m still astonished at how quickly things did change. The cliche about love showing up “when you least expect it” turned out to be true in my case, and what once felt hopeless suddenly was real. I became one half of a couple! I still remember clearly how it was before, but it’s like remembering my childhood. My heart feels like it’s passed through a lot of places since then.

    Recently I had lunch with a friend who was feeling particularly down about not being coupled - I describe it as “not being anyone’s Number One” - and I started to feel a little panicky. Who did I know that would be good for her? She should be snatched up already! She’s clearly so awesome! I should have more single male friends!? I should throw some parties! And so on. But when I looked at her, I recognized her expression. There was nothing I could do right then to make her have a lover or boyfriend or husband; all I could do was spend time with her and remind her that she was wonderful, adorable, and fun to be with. And that her being those things wasn’t because I said so, nor were they dependent on anyone else’s say so - she just was, even though not all the right people know it yet.

    What can you do? I’ll leave the matchmaking to great people like Patti Novak. I’ll continue to learn to be a good friend, helped along by the insights of the LH, who patiently aids me in eliminating “should” from my psychological vocabulary. I will throw some of my not-signature, mild-mannered parties. And pick up the phone more. And be attentive. When times are good at home, it’s easy to feel self-sufficient, let days slide by, and see my friends less. But I want to be like those people who pray even more when life is wonderful and they want for nothing.

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    One Response to “The Better Half”

    1. Comrade Kevin on October 5th, 2007 10:16 am

      I welcome the transition to autumn because the cooler temperatures and shadowy sunlight are far less intense. I get easily overwhelmed by summertime heat and summertime’s overpowering, glaring brightness.

      Your personal anecdote gives me hope that the person for me is out there somewhere. Thanks for sharing.

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