My Funeral One Day

I like to imagine my death as a pleasant affair - it’s the morning after my 100th birthday, and I wake up a little too early - it’s just getting light outside, and the house is quiet. The 95 year old body of the LH is lying next to me, already dead (because he passed happily in the night, full of chocolate cake and memories of my breasts when they were young). And I prop myself up, pull out my little notebook that I keep by my bedside, and write a final note to my kids:

“You all are so old-ass by now, I hope you can read this. Just don’t do the laser eye surgery thing - remember that you’re black and might get keloids!”

I’m sure there’d be more things in there, but don’t know what those things might be.

A few weeks ago I attended the memorial service of a former coworker; he was born in the 70s … died far too young. His parents had a Pastor he’d never met assure us all that his soul was saved and that he’d be standing next to Jesus when He came back for the Rapture. I’m pretty confident that’s not what will happen at my service, thanks to having an atheist partner and Muslim parents. But what will it be like?

The LH has it all figured out. He says he wants his body to be dropped out of an airplane at a big target on the ground; and if his body hits the target, everybody gets tacos.

I’ve also been reading the blog of Auspicious Jots. She’s a UU minister whose focus is funerals. She’s really fun. I loved reading her accounts of the national convention for funeral directors that just took place in Vegas. There was a guy who sold cool urns. And coffins with cardboard cut outs of Elvis …. Do I want to be buried or cremated? I don’t even know!

I’ve never been to a funeral (just one or two memorial services). I’ve never seen a body in a casket. Something tells me that if I died at 35 my funeral would be very different than if I died at 100. So I really want to think about this. So far, all I know is that I want that Patty Griffin song, “Up to the Mountain” played. And I don’t want everyone wearing black, either. They should all wear green (my favorite color).

My funeral: a work in progress.

Comments

5 Responses to “My Funeral One Day”

Sam on October 19th, 2007 4:13 pm

I don’t know if this is appropriate, but your partner’s wish made me think of hockey. In Washington DC, the Capitals used to have a sponsor (Jerry’s Subs and Pizzas) that promised free pizzas to ticket holders IF the Caps won the game and they also scored more than five goals.

As games would come to a close and the Caps needed a goal or two to exceed the minimum requirements, the crowd would start to chant in unison “PIZZA!, PIZZA!, PIZZA!”. It was awesome.
every 7th day on October 20th, 2007 7:43 pm

I’m so glad I passed on the funeral bug onto you. I keep a file folder that has my funeral plans. If conducted as is, it would last three days. I keep it as a guide of what I love and treasure and enjoy perusing it once a year and laughing. YOU should definitely wear my red dress at some point in the final viewing. As for LH ’s plans - this too can be arranged.
Stentor on October 20th, 2007 10:08 pm

If I’m still around, can I be invited to LH’s funeral? (Also if there are vegetarian tacos available.)

I used to work at a funeral home, and it made me want to get cremated and have the ashes scattered somewhere just because that would be the cheapest and simplest.
hafidha sofia on October 21st, 2007 10:20 am

Sam - hehe. Pizza after a hockey game - sounds so good right now!

AC - A funeral file - great idea! I will start that. I’m in a poetry class right now and the instructor told us how his dad (also a poet) had a file called “If I Die.” He also wrote a poem called “If I Die.”

Stentor - Yes, you can be invited to the LH’s funeral. I’ll have to put a note of that in my “If I Die” file because if all goes as planned (unlikely), I won’t be around to invite you myself! You are going to be really old! I’m leaning towards cremation, too.
jacqueline on October 22nd, 2007 12:59 pm

I don’t know what I want exactly, but my partner wants me to burn him on the burn pile in the back of our yard. I even looked into it and I think I can do it… then of course he wants the Led Zeppelin song In My Time of Dying which is a REALLY long song played. Lovely. Just lovely.