More on Race (and Gender) for Kids

“Seek and ye shall find” … just a few days after I vaguely despaired a little in What Does it Take to Be a Good Person, I came across a blog that is addressing some of my concerns about being in a multiracial relationship and having multiracial children.

Anti Racist Parent is “a blog for parents who are committed to raising children with an anti-racist outlook.” I just read a review of Weaving a Family, a Beacon Press book about a white mother of several children, including a black daughter. Little “pings” went off in me - it’s interesting to note my own soft spots. I haven’t read the book, but heard about it because transracial adoption is rather common among UUs. Although I’m not a white adoptive mother of children of color, I’ll add it to my list.

Another good post is by a dad who writes about navigating the world of gender-coded toys and clothing for his three year old daughter.This is something I’ve already encountered just in checking out (sweatshop-free, of course) onesies and basic crib bedding.
Ack! I don’t wear pink dresses with giant flowers on them, and my husband doesn’t wear shirts with trucks and baseballs on them, so why would our kid? It’s very intense.

We stopped in Pottery Barn Babies the other day (just to look) and wow. Even the beds are for girls OR boys. But more distressing was that the girl room side had beautiful kitchen and laundry set-ups; the boys’ side looked like a prep school dorm room: bookcases, planetary mobiles, sports, and yachting shit. Again, all beautiful, but if I’m going to be passing off weird-ass dreams to my kids, they’re going to be my weird-ass dreams. And I happen to think it’s possible to be both studious AND willing to wash your own clothes.

In any case, I digress. Anti-Racist Parent - it’s a great blog. A diverse group of people are contributers, and the posts are as entertaining as they are illuminating. And you don’t have to be a parent to enjoy it.

Comments

6 Responses to “More on Race (and Gender) for Kids”

Shelby Meyerhoff on March 14th, 2008 3:05 pm

“I don’t wear pink dresses with giant flowers on them, and my husband doesn’t wear shirts with trucks and baseballs on them, so why would our kid?”

LOL!

“But more distressing was that the girl room side had beautiful kitchen and laundry set-ups”

Pottery Barn’s rooms are really insidious. The girls’ room feeds into the idea that women naturally love to do housework, and therefore little girls will have so much fun playing at doing the laundry. Don’t worry kids — both boys and girls will have plenty of time to stuff clothing into a machine and hit the “start” button during adult life! No need to rush into it.
hafidha sofia on March 14th, 2008 3:11 pm

What I don’t get is this idea that kids need toys to learn about chores. When I was a kid, I WAS doing chores. My hubby grew up in a family where the kids did zero chores. They didn’t even wash their own laundry. My brothers and I were given chores from the time we were big enough to walk around and interfere with adults carrying out of housework.

“Oh you like the soapy water in the sink? Grab a sponge.” We were scrubbing tubs, folding laundry, sweeping floors, wiping down counters, making our own sandwiches, etc. We didn’t always do these things WELL, but that was how we learned. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a kid doing a chore on a tv commercial or on a tv show, come to think of it.
Sara on March 14th, 2008 9:09 pm

When I moved Lucy into underwear, I was seriously annoyed at the selection. Why can’t I get Spiderman panties? Why are they all pink and flowers? Lucy was sad that she had to give up her training diapers (the “boy” print). Meanwhile, she has a preschool friend (boy) who wears pink pajamas and flowery rain boots. Every time she seems him, we have to remind her that boys can and do wear pink; it’s okay. The older she gets, the more difficult the conversation is.

I’m going to check out that blog soon! I really need to have some support. The other day, Lucy saw a picture of our friend’s adopted son and said, “Oh, his brown eyes and hair are so beautiful,” making no mention of his skin color. I am conflicted — is it wonderful? How do we have this conversation?
hafidha sofia on March 14th, 2008 10:16 pm

Sara - yeah, I know. I think that’s kind of rough. For the time being, Mike and I have come to the agreement that we don’t want to raise our kids as “colorblind” - we want them to recognize and acknowledge ethnicity, race, shade, etc. Just as we want them to know that there is gender and sex. And have conversations about those things as appropriate, and teach them to interpret their initial reactions. So if our daughter says, “I can’t have that toy; it’s for boys,” we can ask why she thinks that, and get her thinking about her perceptions at an early age.
krisg on March 14th, 2008 11:40 pm

As the parent of an almost 2-year old boy I have to say that his shirts with construction equipment on them are a big hit in this family. There are days when distracting him with the pictures of front loaders and dirt make getting the shirt on *much* easier. …of course his mom (me) is structural engineer with a deep love of construction equipment and I have several sweatshirts and t-shirts from companies that I’ve worked with that also have backhoes and cranes on them and he loves it when I wear them.

We are expecting our second child, a girl due in July. I’m sincerely hoping to dodge the pink thing from a safety point of veiw on the playground. Try stopping by a busy playground and look at the ratio of 3 y.o. girls in pink to 3 y.o. girls in other colors. We’ve nearly lost our fair-skinned black neice in a playground of mostly white kids because all of the girls seemed to be wearing the same shade of pink. (Neither my sister or I went through a pink phase, so maybe I’ll get lucky on this?)
MamaShift on March 27th, 2008 3:55 am

Today, I wrote a little blurb on my blog about my frustrations with gender issues.

I also found it interesting how you wrote, “I’m not the white adoptive mother of children of color…”. I’ve often felt somewhat bristled by the multitude of sites about white parents adopting children of color. I’ve gone so far as to wonder if a site for MoC adopting a white child will ever exist.