• Sections

    • Apr

    9

    A Crock Pot Life

    Filed Under friends, from the heart, inspiration, life changes, quotes, spiritual practice | 4 Comments

    Last week I met Kendall, a UU whose blog I’ve been reading for a year or more. Kendall moved to Portland several months ago, and it was such a privilege to speak with her in person. That she took time out of her life to have tea with me is a little mind-boggling. In a nutshell, she is as interesting and sincere as her blog posts would suggest, and I hope we see more of each other over the coming years. 

    In one of her most recent posts, The Life Not Taken, she writes about a visit to Ashland, Oregon (home of the Oregon Shakespeare Festival), and the life she could have led: 

    Wild as my fantasies have been, rich though my imagination is, I’d have never cooked up the extremely unlikely and utterly eccentric life I have had–and am still having–if I’d been running it.

    Kendall is not exaggerating - the book she’s writing based on her life’s experiences won’t be boring.  A year or two ago I think I’d have thought of this and felt regret about my life - why wasn’t I more exciting? Why hadn’t I taken more chances? Could I ever be a “great” person if nothing tragic, traumatic, or soul-searing has happened to me? I would have felt panic about the whole thing. I would have felt less valuable than people with more interesting lives. 

    If I were to paint a picture of my life right now, it would be of a pot left to simmer on the stovetop for days in an empty house. That’s how my life feels most of the time, and I’ve accepted it. I don’t see it as deficient. We are all capable of different things. I’m learning more about my limitations, and as I stop berating myself for not being other than my own nature, I loosen up. In response to Kendall’s blog, I commented, in part: 

    Me and my pathetic (if that can be meant non-negatively) little life. I’ve never been one to take chances …. And I’m afraid to fail. So things haven’t been exciting or very tumultuous for me. Unless something traumatic happens, or I decide for some inexplicable reason to throw everything away and overhaul my personality, I don’t see that changing. So I’m trying to settle into myself and break things down into many, tiny, wonderful parts. Because that’s all I seem to be able to process anyway. I can’t cope with too much.

    I’ve had to accept a lot of things that I’d earmarked as “bad.” Messiness. Moodiness. Shyness. Low energy. Depression. Short attention span. Physical ailments. Large teeth. A big booty. The list could go on …. Not too long ago I was reading a book about writing, written by a woman who had been diagnosed with something like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Initially, she tried to persist in her busy life, and “beat” her CFS. She tried to cure herself so that she could keep on doing what she’d always done. Eventually, she realized that she needed to accept her changed capacity for work and travel.  She began to shape her life activities around who she was, instead of distressing herself by trying to be someone who could live the life she’d fashioned for herself when her health was different.

    What an A-ha! moment for me, so bent on self improvement, and so sad about my chronic status as underachiever. Of course, I have to admit that I’m still learning the lesson every day.  

    Popularity: 42% [?]

    Mar

    14

    Remembrance of Things Past

    Filed Under inspiration, islam, media, nostalgia, spiritual practice | 2 Comments

    This excellent 5 minute video won a national contest, and brought back some memories for me of being a young Muslimah trying to do my faith thing in a non-Muslim world. This made me think of the current UUA/YRUU troubles, and … I don’t know. I felt sentimental. I’m so not a kid anymore, but some of the same issues still linger. In any case, watch the video. It manages to be both dead-on and inspiring. (And who knows, maybe even evangelical.) What do you all think?

    *** The website this video is posted to (netmuslims.com) was sent to me today by an old friend I haven’t spoken to in over a decade. He manages netmuslims.com and says I first taught him how to design a website, for which he’ll “always be thankful.” Who’d a thunkit?

    Popularity: 31% [?]

    Dec

    29

    Focus For the New Year: Increments

    Filed Under inspiration, plans | 5 Comments

    Miller's father stressed the importance of Increments. It would be inappropriate to call it a New Year’s Resolution, as I’ve been mulling this over for a few months already: practicing the concept of “increments.”

    Here is where I avoid my usual exposition - I don’t want to belabor the point - and give it to you in a nutshell. There is a theory that there are two categories into which most people can be divided, who could be described in this way:

    1. The first is the type who, as children, came home from school with an A on a test, and their parents’ response would be, “You got an A! You’re so smart!”
    2. The second is the type who came home from school with an A on a test, and their parent’s response was, “You got an A! All of your studying paid off!”

    All my life, I’ve been in the first category, conflating the “work” that I produced with my personal value and worth. This “fixed mindset” (so-called by Carol Dweck of Stanford University) is not working for me. So I’m going to try thinking and acting “incrementally,” a term I first heard of last year while reading a very long article about the actor Wentworth Miller.

    Coincidentally, several months ago, the LH stumbled across some papers (such as the one referenced here) on the subject of incremental thinking. Through conversations it became apparent that we both wanted to make a conscious effort to apply this theory of learning to ourselves.

    So. We will see. The biggest hurdle may very well be finding value in small steps. Intellectually, I know it’s there, but it will take time to create new habits that really support the behavior I want out of myself. It’s exciting, and I’m happy the LH and I will be able to support one another in this endeavor.

    Popularity: 28% [?]

    Nov

    6

    Ms. Kitty on “UU Protein”

    Filed Under being creative, blogging itself, inspiration, uu culture | Leave a Comment

    This latest entry by Ms. Kitty about the content of Sunday sermons at UU churches is just what I needed to read. In February I’ll be delivering a sermon at the Rainier Valley UU Congregation, and was starting to get cold feet about it. I’m preaching the Sunday following Valentine’s Day so I figured I’d do something on Love - a huge, wide open sea of possibilities.

    But Ms. Kitty’s post helped; sometimes I need a smaller field of vision. Still not sure what exactly I’ll write about, but with all that’s happened recently, it won’t be long for something to materialize.

    Popularity: 18% [?]

    Oct

    25

    Where I’m At

    Filed Under being creative, events, inspiration, love, people, sadness | 5 Comments

    Right now I’m in New York; after talking with my mom yesterday morning it became apparent that I needed to come out and be with her. Her dad is dying, and now his wife of 40 years is in the hospital, possibly in the advanced stages of cancer.

    So I flew out yesterday afternoon and arrived early this morning. Visited my step grandmother and my granddad at their respective hospitals, talked with doctors about DNRs, DNIs, life support, feeding tubes, hospice care, etc.

    When we returned to my grandfather’s house this evening, my mom took me to the basement, to show me where the washer is. (I’d spilled gasoline on myself while pumping gas in Manhasset.) I found a bunch of my granddad’s manuscripts - novels and short stories he’d written 40 and 50 years ago.

    I’d planned to do some reading in preparation for the Real Wealth of Portland event I’m flying back to moderate this Friday night, but instead I read a bunch of his short stories. These were his thoughts - the things he felt were important. These were, as the poet William Stafford put it, “the evidence.”

    It’s with no small measure of pride that I say my grandfather was a writer. He was persistent, observant, informed, and writing, writing, writing. I’m inspired.

    I feel sleepy now, so I’ll just end by saying that I’m glad I came. My mom has no siblings and has been bearing a lot on her own. Emotionally and practically, it’s just a lot to deal with, and even though I don’t feel particularly helpful, she says me just being here takes a big weight off her shoulders.

    I am definitely going to have to come back soon. Maybe as soon as Saturday.

    Popularity: 27% [?]

    Next Page →

    Close
    E-mail It
    visitors since June 16, 2007